Wednesday, February 2, 2011


I know these things to be true…
  • Naps are not a waste of time. 
  • There is great need for a sarcasm font. 
  • Fitted sheets cannot be folded. Just wad them up.
  • It was not necessary to learn cursive.
  • Typing is not just for secretaries.
  • Bad decisions make good stories. 
  • Ignorance is temporary but stupid is permanent.
  • One-size-fits-all is now one-size-fits-most and it still isn’t true.
  • Part of my best friend's job is to immediately clear my computer’s history when I die. 
  • Another part of my best friend’s job is to visit me in the hospital and get rid of my chin hairs if I’m incapacitated.
  • Obituaries would be a lot more interesting if they told you how the person died. 
  • There is a moment at work when you know that you just aren't going to do anything productive for the rest of the day. 
  • The fact that the mouthwash and shampoo bottle look alike is a test of social Darwinism.
  • I keep some people's phone numbers in my phone just so I know not to answer when they call. 
  • The Christmas holidays are not necessarily “The Most Wonderful Time of the Year.”
  • Google Maps, MapQuest, Garmin etc. need an "Avoid Ghetto" routing option. 
  • There is a fine, fine line between boredom and hunger. 
  • The best way to avoid an argument with someone who is saying something stupid is to smile and nod.  Then get away as fast as you can.
  • That moron cutting in and out of traffic thinks he’s a fabulous driver and doesn’t know the rest of us are getting out of his way.