Wednesday, December 1, 2010

Friday, November 5, 2010

You Might Be a Little Old Lady If...

I work with someone I considered a "little old lady." Then I found out that I was older than her.  Three years older than her.  OMG.  It was an earth shattering moment.  Could I be a "little old lady" and not know it?  I googled "little old lady."  You know what comes up?  Song lyrics from the Beach Boys  - "Little Old Lady from Pasadena."  This is not helpful.   So I started thinking, "What is the definition of 'little old lady'?"  What characteristics would label one a "little old lady?"

You might be a little old lady if you...

  • call butter Oleo
  • call your purse a pocketbook
  • reuse paper plates
  • reuse Ziplock bags
  • put food in your pocketbook at restaurants "for later"
  • have a Kleenex tucked into your sleeve
  • write checks to buy groceries
  • have waitresses read the menu to you so you don't have to put on your glasses
  • have a coin purse so you will always be ready to pay with the correct change
  • have people call you to tell you they sent you an email
  • know all the words to every Perry Como song
  • own and wear themed holiday sweaters
  • save pickle jars "just in case"
  • have a cough drop, a Kleenex and a Vicodin in your pocket
  • smell vaguely of Vick's Vaporub, Ben Gay, and Purell
  • have driven for ten miles with your turn signal on because your turn is "coming up" 
  • go to the beauty parlor once a week for a wash and set
Since in this scenario, I control the parameters, I am not a "little old lady."  Is there a parallel category where I can be as old as a "little old lady" but still not be one?  I volunteer for the mission to go find out.

(Cue "Star Trek" music)

Aging but remaining cool: the final frontier. These are the voyages of BeadQueen . Her continuing mission: to explore strange new worlds, to seek out new life and new civilizations, to boldly go where no man has gone before.  

  Get us out of here, Mr. Sulu.

Monday, October 25, 2010


Hair is an ongoing issue.  My hair is too curly to be straight and to straight to be curly.  I did the whole '80s thing with the perms and hair dye.  I've had spiral perms, highlights, lowlights, straightening conditioners and basically I am over it.

I quit perming and dying my hair ten or so years ago.  Now I'm about 25% grey.  I call it natural silver sparkle highlights.  I'm not good friends with the flat iron straightener either.  I burned my ear, forehead, and toe.  I dropped it, okay?

Perhaps I shouldn't have chosen to live in a city with 90% humidity 90% of the year if I wanted obedient hair.  So if you see me today, don't judge me by my hair.  It is having a bad day.

Thursday, August 26, 2010

Grateful for the fur babies

We adopted a new fur baby this weekend and she has brought us great joy already.  She is a rescue dog.

I am a strong supporter of adopting rescue animals and not supporting puppy mills.  She is probably a Shih Zhu, don't know if she is purebred or not and could not care less.

She loves me unconditionally and is excited to see me every time.  I say her name "Zoey" and her tail wags and her whole body shakes and she comes running. I am lucky that she found me.

Saturday, July 31, 2010

Grateful to be an American

Unlike Michelle Obama, I've always been proud to be an American citizen. I love the freedoms we enjoy as citizens.  I can say what I think, pray the way I wish, own a gun or not, buy and sell property, work at any job I'm qualified for.  Too many blessings to list.  We live in the land of opportunity and I'm darned proud to be an American.

I'm very sad that our federal government won't perform it's most basic function -- protection of its citizens from foreign invasion. So, when Arizona wanted to do what the feds refuse to do, the court gutted the law. Bring back our troops from Afghanistan and protect our border.  I don't understand what we are doing in Afghanistan.  I don't understand we care why North Korea and South Korea hate each other.  I think we need to take care of business at home.

Wednesday, July 21, 2010

More things to be Grateful for

1.  Healthcare insurance, good doctors, and medicines that help.
2.  Washing machines and dryers.  Imagine washing clothes outside over a fire.  OMG
3.  Reliable transportation with a kick-ass air conditioner.
4.  That I don't have dentures.

Wednesday, July 14, 2010

Continued Gratitude

I want to add these to the gratitude list:
1.  Bubble baths - I love to bubble in the evening while reading trashy magazines.  Very relaxing.

2.  Egyptian cotton sheets - They are just so soft and comfy.

3.  Anipals - Pets have enhanced my whole life.  Currently I only have one cat but I have loved many animals and they have loved me back.

4.  Social Media - I have enjoyed catching up with old friends and making new ones.

Tuesday, July 13, 2010


I've been thinking about gratitude lately. I am thankful for a lot of big things but there are some really small things that make a huge difference in the quality of my life. Here's a work-in-progress list of what I am thankful for:

1. Air Conditioning - seriously, the South would still be agrarian without it

2. Running water - imagine going down to a creek with a bucket.

3. Indoor plumbing - real fixtures not holes in the floor

4. Glasses - without my glasses I would be disabled.

5. Lycra - clothes fit better, last longer and don't have to be ironed.

6. Caller ID - I think that's self-explanatory.

7. Internet - all the answers to all the questions at my fingertips.

8. Diet Coke with Lime - I know I should give it up but it tastes so good.

Thursday, March 4, 2010

No Child Left Behind

The idea behind No Child Left Behind is noble - all children will be given equal opportunity to an education. NCLB is standards-based education reform,based on the belief that setting high standards and establishing measurable goals can improve individual outcomes in education. On paper, that's great. Standing in front of 25 8th graders it is not so clear.

Let me explain. In this 8th grade class of 25, there are 3 twelve-year-olds, 10 thirteen-year-olds, 9 fourteen-year-olds, and three fifteen-year-olds. How is the possible? Well, three started school early, sixteen are right on schedule, and six have failed a grade. Some more than once.

The reading level ranges from 2nd grade to post-graduate school. The textbook is written on an 8th grade level - that leaves more than half the class unable to read it. Guess how middle school students act given a reading assignment and they can't read?

Do teachers want to leave children behind? No, absolutely not. Teachers would love to say that students see the value of getting an education and they see education as the key to a better future. But, for the majority of students, the only value they see in school is free food and a place to socialize with their friends.

Do children want to be left behind? That's not as clear. Maybe not left behind but they'd love to be left alone. Long term planning to middle schoolers is what's going to happen in the next 10 minutes. What's the solution? The stock answer is it is the teacher's job to motivate the students to understand the value of an education.

What are teachers actually supposed to do in the classroom tomorrow to make that happen - I don't have a clue. However, if I figure it out I'm going become a consultant and charge school districts a gadzillion dollars to tell them.

Tuesday, March 2, 2010

Why the FTC is to blame that my chin is red

Back in 1984, the FTC deregulated how long a commercial could be. Ergo, the birth of the infomercial. I seem to be a sucker for infomercials. The idea may be completely stupid. Who needs a pocket fishing pole? Who needs a knife that can cut cans? But after I watch 19 or so minutes of the infomercial, I start thinking how nice it would be to have insert-name-of-whatever-product-is-being-hawked-here.

Anyway, there is a product called "Smooth Away." It will get rid of pesky hair without a razor, wax, or laser treatments. Now there is something I can use to get rid of the hair on my chinny-chin-chin. And, it's two-for-one. And, there's a free gift.

You know I bought it. In fact I bought two. So I tried it on my chin hair. The hair did come off but so did some of my skin. Basically it's sandpaper and it worked by sanding off a few layers of skin along with the hair. So, it DID do what it said - ie remove the hair. So what if my chin looks like carpet burn.