Friday, November 5, 2010

You Might Be a Little Old Lady If...

I work with someone I considered a "little old lady." Then I found out that I was older than her.  Three years older than her.  OMG.  It was an earth shattering moment.  Could I be a "little old lady" and not know it?  I googled "little old lady."  You know what comes up?  Song lyrics from the Beach Boys  - "Little Old Lady from Pasadena."  This is not helpful.   So I started thinking, "What is the definition of 'little old lady'?"  What characteristics would label one a "little old lady?"

You might be a little old lady if you...

  • call butter Oleo
  • call your purse a pocketbook
  • reuse paper plates
  • reuse Ziplock bags
  • put food in your pocketbook at restaurants "for later"
  • have a Kleenex tucked into your sleeve
  • write checks to buy groceries
  • have waitresses read the menu to you so you don't have to put on your glasses
  • have a coin purse so you will always be ready to pay with the correct change
  • have people call you to tell you they sent you an email
  • know all the words to every Perry Como song
  • own and wear themed holiday sweaters
  • save pickle jars "just in case"
  • have a cough drop, a Kleenex and a Vicodin in your pocket
  • smell vaguely of Vick's Vaporub, Ben Gay, and Purell
  • have driven for ten miles with your turn signal on because your turn is "coming up" 
  • go to the beauty parlor once a week for a wash and set
Since in this scenario, I control the parameters, I am not a "little old lady."  Is there a parallel category where I can be as old as a "little old lady" but still not be one?  I volunteer for the mission to go find out.

(Cue "Star Trek" music)

Aging but remaining cool: the final frontier. These are the voyages of BeadQueen . Her continuing mission: to explore strange new worlds, to seek out new life and new civilizations, to boldly go where no man has gone before.  

  Get us out of here, Mr. Sulu.