I know these things to be true…
- Naps are not a waste of time.
- There is great need for a sarcasm font.
- Fitted sheets cannot be folded. Just wad them up.
- It was not necessary to learn cursive.
- Typing is not just for secretaries.
- Bad decisions make good stories.
- Ignorance is temporary but stupid is permanent.
- One-size-fits-all is now one-size-fits-most and it still isn’t true.
- Part of my best friend's job is to immediately clear my computer’s history when I die.
- Another part of my best friend’s job is to visit me in the hospital and get rid of my chin hairs if I’m incapacitated.
- Obituaries would be a lot more interesting if they told you how the person died.
- There is a moment at work when you know that you just aren't going to do anything productive for the rest of the day.
- The fact that the mouthwash and shampoo bottle look alike is a test of social Darwinism.
- I keep some people's phone numbers in my phone just so I know not to answer when they call.
- The Christmas holidays are not necessarily “The Most Wonderful Time of the Year.”
- Google Maps, MapQuest, Garmin etc. need an "Avoid Ghetto" routing option.
- There is a fine, fine line between boredom and hunger.
- The best way to avoid an argument with someone who is saying something stupid is to smile and nod. Then get away as fast as you can.
- That moron cutting in and out of traffic thinks he’s a fabulous driver and doesn’t know the rest of us are getting out of his way.
