I work with someone I considered a "little old lady." Then I found out that I was older than her. Three years older than her. OMG. It was an earth shattering moment. Could I be a "little old lady" and not know it? I googled "little old lady." You know what comes up? Song lyrics from the Beach Boys - "Little Old Lady from Pasadena." This is not helpful. So I started thinking, "What is the definition of 'little old lady'?" What characteristics would label one a "little old lady?"You might be a little old lady if you...
- call butter Oleo
- call your purse a pocketbook
- reuse paper plates
- reuse Ziplock bags
- put food in your pocketbook at restaurants "for later"
- have a Kleenex tucked into your sleeve
- write checks to buy groceries
- have waitresses read the menu to you so you don't have to put on your glasses
- have a coin purse so you will always be ready to pay with the correct change
- have people call you to tell you they sent you an email
- know all the words to every Perry Como song
- own and wear themed holiday sweaters
- save pickle jars "just in case"
- have a cough drop, a Kleenex and a Vicodin in your pocket
- smell vaguely of Vick's Vaporub, Ben Gay, and Purell
- have driven for ten miles with your turn signal on because your turn is "coming up"
- go to the beauty parlor once a week for a wash and set
(Cue "Star Trek" music)
Aging but remaining cool: the final frontier. These are the voyages of BeadQueen . Her continuing mission: to explore strange new worlds, to seek out new life and new civilizations, to boldly go where no man has gone before.
Get us out of here, Mr. Sulu.
